Wee James Abernethy of Castlemilk was hit with a double blow this morning when his mother explained that there was more chance of his womanising father returning to their two bed tenement dwelling than Marvin Compper returning to Celtic.
Having recently made his Holy Communion, James had hoped to use his money from the aforementioned occasion to have Compper’s name and number on the back of the latest Celtic away jersey. However, much like the Eucharist he had received two months previously, his mother’s response left a poor taste in his mouth.
Abernethy’s dreams were shattered when asking his emotionally damaged mother to place the order online for the fabled Compper’s replica jersey.
“Away tae fuck,” she replied. “Compper’s a fucking myth like your philandering shite of a faither” she yelled, as she hopped off her latest love interest’s boaby.