Rodgers claims signings hotel and lighting will be key to Champions League qualification

Brendan Rodgers has expressed his extreme satisfaction with how the last two transfer windows have gone, citing his “not at all strained” relationship with Peter Lawwell as one of the main reasons to see out his contract.

After an exciting January window, which seen the defensive “additions” of Marvin Compper and Jack Hendry, the summer window has seen Brendan strengthen with the signing of a player he already had on loan.

“But you are forgetting the £10m signing of a hotel and the £4m we spent strengthening the squad by buying a trippy light show, which will enhance the matchday experience of any fan who takes an eccie about 4:45” stated Rodgers.

“I mean, both additions will really help me to reach the group stages of the UCL and get up to £30m in prize money, which inevitably will be spent on something superfluous, such as a Dre Beats surround sound system or padded seats in the Jock Stein stand, so our fans can be super comfortable whilst watching Kylian Mbappe and the like stroll past whichever underachieving Man City youth player I manage to get in” said Rodgers, in a tone which seemed like barbed sarcasm and despair.

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