Confused Celtic ‘casual’ prepares to sport large Canada Goose coat for opening day, despite incongruous weather conditions

A 32-year-old plumber from Anniesland is causing confusion amongst many of his friends, by insisting that he will wear a heavy winter coat to Celtic’s opening day fixture with Livingstone as he wants to “look ra part”.

Jason O’Shaugnessy allegedly paid £699.99 on a sleek Canada Goose number in black, initially to look like a football casual. Unfortunately for him, this was on tick via Capital One, and Mr O’Shaughnessy is struggling to keep up with the repayments.

Subsequently, Jason rarely takes it off, thinking that if he sees other “casuals”, he will feel emasculated if they spot him wearing normal, summer clothes – such as a t-shirt.

This sense of fragile masculinity was further compounded by both his acknowledgment of the hardman fashion scene and his perception of Stone Island as its holy grail – which has previously been modelled by the likes of big Tam and some guy known simply as “Hammer”. Jason stated: “hing is right, am goanty get ma wear oot ae it – once this wan’s paid aff, I’m goanty go fur a wee bit a Stoney”.

Despite predicted 20 degree heat in Glasgow this weekend, Jason admits that he will run the risk of over heating and potentially fainting by wearing the coat, usually designed for more frigid conditions, such as those experienced by geese in Canada. In winter.

John McLuckie, close friend if Jason, said it was time he “grew up and stopped acting the walloper”, whilst his concerned mother, Brenda, with whom he still lives, hopes he “cuts his cloth accordingly and finds a nice bird”.

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