ICYMI: Three Mental Stories This Week

Michael Owen is that you?

Graeme Souness said this week that Rangers could catch Celtic with a “large slice of luck”, in much the same way as your mate might claim they could beat Usain Bolt over 100m, KO Anthony Joshua or – with a bit of luck – convince Arlene Foster of the merits of a united Ireland. Anything is possible, right?

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Remember Guti?

Former Real Madrid midfielder and three-times Champions League winner Jose Maria Gutierrez Hernandez (aka Guti) has reportedly expressed an interest in the vacant St Mirren job following Jack Ross’ departure.

However following Zidane’s surprising resignation during the week, Guti – who is currently a youth coach at Real – has apparently been tipped as his successor.

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Can’t help but think it all sounds like a load of fabricated nonsense, but if it came down to it, I know where I’d be heading if I were Guti. Paisley’s a cultural hot spot, apparently – if getting stabbed is your thing.

 

Miracles do happen

In a Belgium squad with brimming with world-class talent, Dedryck Boyata has – if the matress leak is to be believed – somehow managed to squeeze himself into Roberto Martinez’s plans for Russia.

While the final 23-man squad has yet to be officially announced, an injury to Vincent Kompany suggests that the bold Boyata is not only nailed on for a seat on the plane, but could perhaps even start for Belgium – who prefer to play with three central defenders at the back.

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Who seen that one coming? Particularly with Radja Nainngolan’s omission – who is not a defender, I know – Boyata’s inclusion in the Belgian squad comes as a bit of a shock. He probably can’t believe it either.

All credit to Boyata though, as he did clean up his act towards the end of the season with some decent defensive performances – it’s some achievement for him.

However we all know he’s come through the Efe Ambrose school of defending, so let’s hope he can keep his composure, put in some decent performances, make an impression and who knows – with a large slice of luck – someone might be daft enough to put a bid in for him.

“There’s more chance of your cheating Da coming back than Compper”, explains Celtic Ma

Wee James Abernethy of Castlemilk was hit with a double blow this morning when his mother explained that there was more chance of his womanising father returning to their two bed tenement dwelling than Marvin Compper returning to Celtic.

Having recently made his Holy Communion, James had hoped to use his money from the aforementioned occasion to have Compper’s name and number on the back of the latest Celtic away jersey. However, much like the Eucharist he had received two months previously, his mother’s response left a poor taste in his mouth.

Abernethy’s dreams were shattered when asking his emotionally damaged mother to place the order online for the fabled Compper’s replica jersey.

“Away tae fuck,” she replied. “Compper’s a fucking myth like your philandering shite of a faither” she yelled, as she hopped off her latest love interest’s boaby.